A Doom by Any Other Name Would Smell as Rank

I have never liked my skate name. I liked it enough when I registered it, and I thought it was kind of cute, but I have always felt kind of silly and stupid repeating it out loud to anyone who asks what my skate name is. Since I transferred to Rose City this year after Autumn was born it seems like a good chance to reinvent my skate persona with a new name. I get to register a new name sometime this month, so I thought I would share all of my stupid names, and how I ended up with one I hate.

In October of 2005 I saw my first roller derby bout. It was Duke City’s Big House Brawlers v/s Dead Mans Curves. Never heard of them? That is because those teams only played two games. I found out about it after finding an old friend on myspace. She had a weird but hilarious name as her display name, Dahmernatrix, which I learned was a cool Roller Derby alias. I am pretty sure there are a lot of fun things I would have never known about if it weren’t for her, including roller derby. That first bout would seem very archaic by today’s standards. There were tons of egregious fouls, and I think there were three play fights. I was never an athletic person, but when I saw bad ass girls in cute outfits on skates beating each other up, I was in LOVE. It was bold and sexy, and just what I needed at that point in my life. I started the very next day.

I was ready to be drafted by the second Big House Brawlers V/S Dead Mans Curves game and had come up with a name that I really loved for the Big House Brawlers, which is still my favorite skate name and is the one I plan to try to register. I was advised not to publish the name all over the internet until I can try to register it because someone else might snatch it up. I will say that about three months before I started with RCR someone registered a name that is similar enough that I may have to ask permission to have the one that I want. I ended up being drafted to Dead Mans Curves, so I went with Whip Lass instead.

At that time it was not uncommon for people to have a different name for every team they were on. When Duke City’s Munecas Muertas played their first travel game against Sin City’s Neanderdolls I got to join them, and went with Cannon Eyes (that open and close) as my Munecas name for that first inter-league bout, and kept it through our first Dust Devil Tourny. That name was stupid. There isn’t much else to say about that name. I thought it was clever then, but I don’t know why. Stupid, stupid, stupid. If the name alone was not bad enough, I also spelled it Canon Eyes, changing the meaning entirely and making me look like a complete tard.

When our first real season started (the two BHB v/s DMC games were an exhibition season) we had more skaters and more time, so we restructured our teams. I became a DoomsDame. Not that it really needs to be said, but I fucking LOVED my team. They were amazing. My team mates were dedicated, hard working, and they totally minimized the drama. The Hobots were another team, which I think was Dahmer and R2 BeatU’s brain child. Awesome, right? Right. The third team was the Derby Intelligence Agency, who ended up with an amazingly large percentage of the prettiest girls on the league. To go with my teams post apocalyptic theme I went with Agent Orange Crush, but didn’t check the roster before trying to register it and it was rejected. I didn’t have much time to pick a new name and at the time I thought Doom Dee Doom was cute, and it was ok with my teams theme, so I went by that for my remaining time with Duke City. It never really grew on me, and I think I am one of the few roller girls who introduce myself as my regular name almost always.

Here are a few of my favorite names that skaters have already taken:

Sara Problem (Seattle)

Aja Consent (Tucson, she had another Saddle Tramps name… Hoot’n Annie?) This name actually appears to be available?

Molotov Cocktease (duke city’s founder)

Suzy Homewrecker (AZ renegades)

Sparkle Ninja (Minnesota?)

Of course those are just a few.

If I were skating for the emerging Salem, Or league, it wouldn’t be a problem. I read yesterday that they have decided to forgo the “often raunchy” roller derby handles. What a shame!

I can’t wait until I get to submit the name I should have registered in the first place, of course this time I have a list of (top secret) alternates if it is rejected. If all else fails I can always skate as Jenny Tullwarts. Changing my name won’t change much, having a baby already changed enough. It won’t change that I hit hard, or that I skate as much as I possibly can and love trying new and creative drills and techniques (bring on the vag. assists)- and it is VERY UNLIKELY that it will change that I don’t wash my pads.